What Kind of Friend Am I ?

   What is your life like.? Are you happy, are you sad? Do you have a lot of friends ,or only a few?  Think about the friends you do have ,can you sit down with them and talk about God for hours or do you talk about other people and their faults, or about the weather, or personal things. True friends or not? Can you talk to them about personal things and never worry that they might divulge your personal life to all their friends. My guess is if you can sit and talk to them about other people and their problems , they will do the same about you with their friends and you will do the same also.
                  I was sitting here thinking about this whole friend thing. Am I a good friend? Not so sure about that. I hardly ever call my friends, and when I do it seems I talk about the weather or something uninteresting and definitely not personal. I seem to have built this wall up around myself to make sure no one really knows who I am or what I was thinking. I am truly trying to change that. Especially with my brothers and sisters in Christ.  If I can't go to my spiritual family and talk candidly about the problem I have and ask for prayer , who am I supposed to go to? I am tired of being fake and acting if everything is ok and good and fine and all the other adjectives we use.
                  For example  the other weekend at church camp we had a wonderful time studying the Word and chatting with friends about Christ. We divided up into groups of three or four and would spend several times a day in prayer and Bible study. One evening the speakers said tonight we are doing something different. He gave each of us a paper and told us to write on it our deepest and darkest struggles that we have in our spiritual life. Then he said when we get into our groups that we should each exchange the papers.
           I was excited about it thinking it would be a way to expose some of my problems to my brothers in Christ and we could pray for them. BUT NO, at this point we were to just hold the paper in our hand and not look at it , and then say a pray for the person not knowing what the problem was.  What was that?????  Suppose in real life I have a problem I want you to help me with , say a leaking drain pipe. So I have you come to my house to help me, but when you get there with all your tools I just give you a note telling you the problem but of course you where not to look at the folded note but guess what the problem was and hopefully help get it fixed. . Seems really dumb when you put it like that.
          I was struck with the thought then that we don't trust each other  is it possible to really love some one and not trust them? Not for me really.  If I can't trust some one how could I love them and expose my life struggles to them. Thats when I asked myself , what kind of friend am I ? Not a very good one. Am I always there ready to listen and never judge ? Am I willing to hear all of your problems and let you hear all of mine without ever doubting that you or I would never say anything to another person ?
                    Christ tells us that people of the world will know us by our love for each other, and I think we would all say we love each other, yet is anyone willing to stop and listen to the other person and never ever speak of what they have heard to anyone else. Or willing to tell their problems to a brother or sister and not worry about them repeating it to some one else in a negative way. Its easy to say we love but does anyone ever think of the consequences of gossip. What does the Bible say about gossip? It isn't gossip and ye shall inherit eternal life. NOPE Gossip is sin.
                 But how do I treat that bit of information?  I tend to worry about the outward signs that are seen by men, I try to dress modestly, I live frugally, I go to church every Sunday, and possibly gossip a little here and there. But its nothing really bad , it just seemed funny that so and so drove that red car, dont they know that red is a bad color. Or so and so didn't look at me when they walked out of church today they must be feeling guilty or dislike me.  On and on  just little things , I can justify them as only joking whatever, but in truth its gossip and its sin and the consequences of sin are?  
               So I must learn all the lame jokes , the stories, its all going down as gossip and sin in the Lords eyes.  I suppose if I can't say it to the person it shouldn't be said at all.   Right?
                My conclusion is this. I'm an old , grouchy, fat guy, that is negative, depressed, doesn't really understand love, that gets irritated at clicking noises like clocks and people eating loudly. I feel like I was cheated through life when reality is I caused my own problems. I am to analytical about everything,thinking I have to understand it all. I make fun of practically everything , including myself.
        On the other hand I am usually kind and like to help people, I love the Lord more than anything else, I like animals as long as the don't crawl on their bellies. (snakes)  I like to cook and enjoy music and chatting about God and His word.
                       No more fake anything for me I want to deal with the real part of life. Lets find God's will for our lives and be friends and brothers and sisters , love God and work together instead of tearing each other down. I am going to do it. No trying allowed. I must do it so when a person sees me they will say I want what that guy has, not that guy is a rude grumpy old man. : )     So if you want to be my friend thats great, you'll probably hear more than you want about my life and I hope to hear about yours so we can form a band of people praying for each other and grow in the Lord and conquer satan.
                           Your friend and brother in Christ    Love to all