Its Tuesday are you all so excited? I should be but instead I drag around like a boneless chicken. What is wrong with me ? I try to go to sleep around 11 and get up about 8 . Maybe to much rest? I used to sleep 5 hours a nite and was fine. Now 8 or nine hours and before noon I want to take a nap. My driving makes mother very nervous. I went to sleep at the stop light the other day. After half dozen cars passed me, mom realized her lovely son was resting a little to long. Then every Starbucks became a destination point. Thinking enough caffeine will definately work. Well it didn't till I got home and ready to sleep. I lay there wide eyed , staring at the ceiling. My nerves wound tight as a string. Snooky decided that it would be wise to sleep on the other side of the room ,being he has a serious licking and smacking problem that doesn't bode well with bad nerves.
I'm hopeless , in three years I have become an old man. I feel guilty because I should be happy . Happy about life. God loves me I think, problem 1. I should be happy that I have a nice home to live in, instead I see all the things that were done only half way or as cheap as possible and now are falling apart, problem 2. I should be so happy my mother is helping me financially since I haven't worked in over two years , instead it makes me crazy that I have to use her money . I hate that. Problem 3 I have given away almost all the clothes I had bought in the last 5 or 6 years. You know all the expensive brands. Actually I don't really miss them. Now I'm selling my car ,why? because I think I need the money and I feel its Gods will. I will explain that later once the sell is completed. . I miss my car , you know how when someone drives up in that fancy car and everyone stops to look, I understand why He took it away , so no one needs to tell me . Hahaha Now I'll be rolling up in a minivan with my mom. Where does all this leave me ? Well really depressed because I don't know what going away next . I actually bought some clothes from Goodwill. I know you are all rolling your eyes , give me time I'm learning.!!! I know you are thinking he needs to go spend a couple years in the jungle and then he'd know what its like to do without. Maybe I should, I don't know but if God tells me to go I will, maybe not willingly but I will. Then on top of this I feel guilty, How many times should I confess.? Have I told everyone I was a sinner and I said I was sorry for my sins. Well if I haven't I just did. I know I have influenced a lot of people in my life and I wonder if thats why I still feel guilty. So I'm sorry to all the people I have had a bad influence on or treated badly . Really one day I feel like I'm forgiven then the next day I'm right back to square one.
Does anyone else feel this way? Maybe its that I don't have enough faith? I don't know. so any help is welcomed. How do I know if its just me trying really hard or when God is helping me. I have a hard time distinguishing between them. I'm guessing that wrong also.
Sometime I feel like I'm going backwards. Could be I am clinically depressed. Thats what I need more meds. Sorry for all the ugliness I said you were going to get it all . That you have my friends. I do appreciate all the help and comments from all of you. Someday I shall walk around and smile all day just because I can until then lets keep praying for each other and that God will send a real true revival to all of us . Get up and get out and tell someone. When was the last time you truly sat down and talked to someone about the Lord? I haven't in over a week. I'm sure the Lord is so proud, I must be really excited about Him........Life is going to get better!!!
Pray my friends Pray Until next time
Alright first off...shopping at Goodwill is a mainstay in my life. I used to shop only the best and most expensive...but I have learned it is so much more fun to find the expensive stuff that someone else paid full price for that is still like new for a much discounted price. I have all kinds of top of the line clothes. I love telling people I got it at Goodwill and for how much...you only buy things that are on the half price color tag. New to You in Mac is the same. They have $1 tags and 50% off and 75% off tags...Amanda and I have whole wardrobes of nothing but second hand clothes. Her kids get most of their clothes from Goodwill, garage sales,etc. Enough of my shopping lecture but it can be fun.
ReplyDeleteAs for some of your other comments...I sometimes feel like I need to confess more than once like it didn't take the first time. I guess that's the part about not truly laying it down.
Nothing wrong with rolling up in mini van...I drove Mom and Dad around in theirs for 5 years. I do not like them per say but they have their place. Don't over think every thing...
You should have taken your clothes to New to You and sold them on consignment...
The influence you have had on others comes down to them deciding to follow you or not so it becomes their choice...You can't carry it all. It's probably not all bad as you think and it comes back to them choosing...you have chosen to be at this place in your life. You are a blessing to your Mom I'm sure and she would most likely be the first to say so. You will never have this time again...when she is gone then you will be able to look back knowing that you were there to enjoy her reguardless of how much she drives you nuts sometimes. I would give anything for Dad to be here driving me nuts with all his questions and his talk about the government and their recognizant(sp) planes over head checking on us. Keeping tabs on our movements. You are not alone in alot of your thoughts...most people would be aghast if they were asked to put it out there like you have been. It's not a matter of them being more saved than us...it's just a taboo subject to question things like you have...but at least you are being honest with yourself which is a whole lot more than most people we know. Anyway dear you are always on my mind and in my heart...lifting you up as you go through this. You know it's not just you....love you...chin up:>)
Thanks Val I know you now where I'm coming from. I appreciate the friendship we have had all our lives. It good to know we have both found our way back to what important in life. I do need to get rid of all these doubts, they are killing me. Love ya
ReplyDeleteOk,..where do I start?
ReplyDeleteFirst tackle the big one!--- Classic devil, after God works tremendously, he tries the doubts ever since the garden "hath God said"! Get into ! and!! John read them read them! Read again the verse in...woops don't have my bible here, I'm in the library...somewhere in romans I think "but such were some of you but ye are washed but ye are sanctified"!!! ! Jo.1:9 If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive" Galen. stand on it !! Stand on God's promise. He doesn't work the way humans do, if He says he forgive he does!!!! Let me tell you, He would never have visited you the way He did a couple weeks ago if you were not His child and that is what is making the devil angry!
Hey.....God's getting you where He wants you Nothing Nothing can come between him and us and that's the way he ants. He must first strip us of all that we hold important to get us to the place where we want only HIM!!
Galen we can never go back and do it over that is why we are told SO MANY TIMES "forgetting those things that are behind" Go forward! What counts is who you influence now!!!
You're in good place Galen!! God be with you
We love ya!:) Val Glenn
Hi Val I know I need to mellow out and be patient. Honestly when I set down to write I have no idea what I'm going to say. I feel like God got me started writing here as a tool to help me see myself and correct things as I go. I was never crazy about anyone knowing anything about me , but here it is all the junk. : ) I know after I had that experience with the Lord it all came crashing down around me . So both of you Vals are right. Chin up and pray that God will deliver me from satans deceit . I wish you and Veasy lived closer so we could just hang out and study the word together. Love ya
ReplyDeleteThat would be so awesome to study with you!!:)It is true that even with our Bible knowledge background we have SO much to know about Really truly living in God!
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