I have been as you all know searching and trying to learn more about God . I'm really only getting started but, I'm thinking already that I need to rethink how I'm studying it. If I would have been like the Greeks back in the day I would study and learn everything about God that I could find and then say I know God . But would I really know Him or just have a knowledge of who He is ? As an example say a couple of boys are studying about fathers. One boy with out a father goes to school and learns what a father would do , how he acts , what he would require, and how he would love . Then says he knows the father. Now say the other boy has a father and daily feels the love , the discipline , and the security that a father gives. Who do you suppose has a clearer picture of a father? Simple and I feel it has to be the same with God. All the studying in the world is not anything compared to a few minutes spent with our Father. I need to personally experience God, I want to feel His love, His security, His compassion, and discipline.
Not to say that studying isn't good, it is because of the studying that you can learn more of God. It is in the application of my studying that can bring me closer to Him. Satan has a way of always being right there to mess things up though. Sometimes I can read the same verse a couple of times and can't remember what its about, because he gets my mind to wander.
Seems like months now that I have struggled with knowing true love for God and others, Then prayer also, I can study , and still not know what true prayer is . I can't tell you what a struggle I had with this. As you know I have had a lot of things to deal with, and I'm so glad God's Spirit only reveals them to me a little at a time. If He would just drop them all on me at once I could never deal with it. But a little here and a little there, I can do that. I believe I'm beginning to experience God. Feeling or experiencing God can come at strange times but always when I need it the most. A couple of night ago I woke up about 4 am , Couldn't go back to sleep even though I was very tired. I got up thinking I would go read something because me trying to read in the mornings is like taking a sleeping pill. I stood up and felt like I just kinda stuck in that position, Still half awake I was jolted into being fully awake. As I stood there I felt this incredible feeling of a presence with me . Not in the room but in me . I scared , I was happy , I realized it was God's way of letting me really experience Him . I can not describe the feeling but as I stood there I began to pray, I prayed and prayed, about people I knew about people I didn't really know well at all , about situations , the words just kept coming and coming . I have never prayed like that in my life. I haven't felt a need for tears and emotions. But I'm telling you the tears started coming , I felt a joy I hadn't felt before. I wanted to jump up and tell the whole world and make them understand what they are missing , if they don't have God in their lives.
I prayed for maybe 2 hours and it seemed like 10 minutes. It was unbelievable. God is teaching me how to pray, I'm so excited I feel,like shouting . There was no sleepy time here. He made me stand up . It's hard to sleep when you are standing. He helped me know who to pray for. I thought we needed to be personally involved with a person or situation in order to know how to pray for them , now I don't think so because He helps you to know what to pray. Where is the verse that says His Spirit teaches us to pray and sometimes prays for us when we don't know how. Wow All I can say is if you are praying and not feeling like its doing any good. Get to your Bible and start studying prayer. It takes time , experience what God has for you. I have been studying for 2 years and God is letting me experience things that are going to change my life forever.
I want everyone to know what this is like . God is awesome. I am learning to love can you imagine? Its like all the grime and dirt of the past are being washed out of here. I don't know that much about all of it yet, but this I do know, if your a struggling in your christian life and in prayer, just stop for a while, study God's word and when you feel God speaking to you about something , DO IT. Not partially all the way. It takes time. I have been so depressed the last couple months because of anger, bitterness, not forgiving, not feeling my prayers are working, it was all part of God helping me to learn. Until I told God I would do whatever He asks of me , I was not ready to take the next step in my christian life.
If I sound to overly full of joy and excitement and you think I need to settle down and stop shouting well I'm not sorry : ) Because I am full of joy and that is sooooooo much better than the alternative. Thanks to all of you who are praying for me , its working and please don't stop because I think God has a whole lot more and I'm jumping up and down (in my mind of course) because I'm excited. If your not excited why?
Experience God , see what happens to you. Peace, love , and joy to all
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