I think I wandered off. Don't know how really, just living life day to day ,working at life and trying to stay focused on God, What do I do ? I just wander off to the land of rotten thoughts and doubts . Why? . Does everyone else do this and fake the happy, love to all , everything is perfect feeling? Or are they truly on to something and I'm just to full of doubt or blinded to it. I don't know. No one else has these feelings of doubt ? I keep hearing that our salvation should not be emotional just based on facts. Then why am I all over the place ?
Ok for an example, due to the way I have lived my miserable life, my thoughts are , in a constant battle over things that are good to think about and filthy dirty rotten thoughts. Its just a nonstop battle. I pray and pray and tell God I sorry time after time after time. No one else does this ? If they admitted it all their friends and family will think they are a crazy pervert , sorry can't think of a better word. So we cover everything up and pretend its not there or is it? I know I know God is here to help us and we need to listen and follow Him. Thats a wonderful idea for people who only have wonderful pure thoughts running through their heads. But thats not my head. Of course its a very embarrassing subject, no one wants to talk about, and I'm sure I'll hear about it. I'm fine with that. I just want to know what everyone else does . Or are all those thoughts suppose to go away when we get saved. If thats the case then all my doubts will be confirmed "I'm going to hell". Thats pretty much how I feel all the time, because I can't control my thoughts and emotions. Satan knows where my problems are and he isn't going to give up easily. Ever feel like you would just like to scream at the top of your lungs for a while ? Thats me right now.
Every way I turn it's like the doors are slammed in my face. I'm feeling very boxed in and very pinned in. Is it really that hard to love God just because we can't see him. Look at everything He has done for us and His own Son died for us, so having problems like this is completely uncalled for. When I think of how pure and loving God is , how can I even think the kind of stuff I do. It is a lack of something for sure. I need to know what that lack is, because I'm going crazy here.
I'm sorry to all my friends for freaking out. This battle never seems to end. I'm tired and want to be happy for a little while. Is there ever any peace. I need it . Somedays I feel like I could sleep for a month and still not feel rested. I'll stop with the bellyaching. I have to thank God for taking that horrible pain out of my legs and lower back. I praise Him for that. I have a lot of negativity today, sorry I hope tomorrow will be a better day. I think I'd better go back to the hole I crawled out of . : )
Hoping for a better day.
I know what you mean...you think we need to keep on the happy face life is so good all the time...you can't show how you are truly feeling because you know there will be someone who says you aren't believing in God enough or something to that effect. This past summer when I hit my breaking point I had alot of the but you are so strong crap and I think that made it worse. I mean after all if we truly love the Lord and are walking with him surely we couldn't have any kind of a suicidal thought or just go nuts because you can't keep it together anymore. I am really torn about some of this.I am trying to remember conversations with my Dad I had about some of this. The days I don't want to crawl out of bed or be social when people call or stop by it's not a pretty picture. To be diagnosed with severe depression and you can't seem to get a hold on it. I feel like I'm losing at an uphill battle that will soon consume me and I won't be able to get back to the real world. I'm glad I'm not as far off base...it does seem to be a subject that you don't talk about....or if you do it's a very hush hush thing. There are things we go through and make it through but that doesn't mean it's any easier to deal with in our minds. The happy face is what most people want to see...any underlying feelings are to be kept under wraps and definitely not"talked" about.The pressure to always be "in" God sometimes has the opposite effect on me. When you finally try to talk to someone you get the feeling they don't really want to know what makes us, us. Talk about rambling...boy...I think the boat is alot bigger than we think and there are alot more sailors than most will admit. My mind goes to some religions that the women are baby mills...if they aren't producing fairly regularly then something is wrong. Does the wife ever really get to voice how she feels about it? Just because it says to procreate I pretty sure it doesn't mean you need to have babies till your wife dies due to a complication...then who takes care of the dozen or so kids you have? Oh yah you find another woman and marry her and start all over with your second family...what is right with that way of thinking? I'm thinking the way they have been raised it's like getting brownie points for the amount of kids you have the more you get the more points you get. Anyway...all this said to let you know I think there are many more of us but who will really admit it? For one I am tired of always putting up the "happy" face...we just need to be able to get through one day at a time and not let others dictate how we should or shouldn't be feeling...God is a loving God right? He knows the road we have traveled and it hasn't all been pretty...but He still loves us. Just thinking...
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ReplyDeleteGalen, you're right, you can't control your thoughts and emotions. No one can to any great degree. But what we can do, is not let _them_ control _us_. It may seem like that nasty thought is never going to leave your head no matter what you do -- but you can choose to make it stay simply a temptation, and not let it become _your_ thought. Same with emotions -- they are what they are, and sometimes there's not a lot you can do about it. But you can choose to ignore them and think, act and/or react (as the case may be) in the way you KNOW is right, and make emotions you know are wrong remain merely temptations instead of letting them become _your_ emotions, or letting them determine your course.
ReplyDeleteOur choices -- to stand or to yield -- are the key. The enemy wants you to think there's no hope of victory, but the only power he has is to try to get you to choose his way instead of God's way. If you choose God's way, just one tiny little step at a time, the enemy is defeated.
(this is Valerie glenn not veasy)
ReplyDeleteGalen you arent' alone but having said that. I DO think it is something one can get victory over. O yeh, I'm sure you can readily think that i don't know really what I'm talking about compared to what you've been through and are going through and i don't but I still think there are basic principles of God that work in all situations.
thoughts are a hard one because the devil would love us to think that just because they come we have sinned. That is very simply NOT true. the sin is in dwelling on it.
The way to victory is "bringing every thought into captivity"! Do it literally, galen! When a thought comes STOP right there! Command it to leave in the name of Jesus and claim victory over your mind and rebuke the devil in the name of Jesus!! Then ask God to fill you with cleansing, peace and the Holy Ghost! I guarantee you it works! AND amazingly the problem lessens. it really is true that after the devil gets the idea that it is NOT going to work he does go after easier targets.
When we truly truly leave behind all "desire' for wrong the temptations lose their power and never ever let satan tell you that just because he winged a thought your way that you have become a sinner. it only defiles if we let it linger.
You are NOT alone and you are so right that far too many want to cover up and pretend because there are far too many who do not realize there can be victory and experience the mind of Christ. But please do not think I'm preaching at ya or saying if you're not there something is wrong. I do believe sanctification is a process. Keep on , galen being discontent with where you are is always the forerunner of change!!:) Love ya Bud! - valerie glenn
Well guess there is no instant fix , is there? I won't blogging for a while cause I'll be to busy commanding thoughts to go away. Kidding . It does seem that it's the only way to rid yourself of the problem. Of course I always have the dumb questions, which is, if I'm doing this non-stop for a while training my thoughts , what part of it includes God helping me through. Don't take this the wrong way, but same as anything else in life , if, you are that committed to getting rid of a habit it will go away . There are lots of unsaved people that stop bad habits out of sheer determination ,and I don't think that they were praying to God to help them. I hope you understand where I'm coming from.
ReplyDeleteSo say I do this stopping and praying every time I have a bad thought Am I going to go around after and tell people that God delivered me from this problem , when in reality people change their thoughts and habits on their own . I wouldn't call it a miracle ,even though I believe that God has been with me through the ordeal. Wow I'm getting long winded. My question is do I create in myself a false sense of security thinking God has done a great thing in me when other unsaved people can achieve the same through perseverance ? I hope I asked that right and that you all don't think I doubting Gods ability to help me. Ok I'll shut up
Haven't been back here to see this follow-up question...let me see if I can answer it...it is one veas and I have talked a lot about because there is an awful lot of positive thinking christianity going on today that has very little to do with God-powered Christianity.
ReplyDeleteYou make a very good point
First off God won't just magically make something go away in most cases. We are purified by his blood and receive anew mind and yes, I wholeheartedly believe that in itself should and will take old desires away.
i am a firm believer in a "new man" that is where it needs to stop first! We must so thoroughly be disgusted at sin that is no longer desirable to us. THAT is when we really get victory. We can "try" for years to rid ourselves of something but if there is still something in ourselves that it appeals we will never truly get victory. I alluded to that a little before but didn't want to hit it too hard for fear of sounding like I thought you still had wrong desires and I hope you don't take this that way. I KNOW your heart is to desire God but deep inside of sometimes we still want to "make provision for the flesh" because somehow it still isn't horribly horribly repulsive to us.
when we can truly see the sin in it's horribleness then we can get before God and truly truly from the bottom of our heart cry out .."God! Deliver me!!! I want no part of it! It is disgusting to me! Wash me, cleanse me and heal my mind and soul!"
Galen when that is reality the "desire" will go and thus the thoughts will also because they have no power.
Having said that ...there is still the aspect of temptation and satan will try to get us in an area where he had us before.that is where the "bringing every thought into captivity" comes in. There is a reason for that verse! That is "way out" of temptation that God talks about! That's what I meant. that is not just trying positive thinking or new habits that is applying the provision of God .
Okay did any of that make sense? :) _ Val Glenn