Friday, May 4, 2012
Lost Thoughts From Last Sunday
Today was just another ordinary day. Awoke at about 7 to hear the rain pounding on the metal roof and the wind whistling through the cracks of the window. My loyal dog Snooky all cuddled up beside me making sure he had more than his share of the bed. I heard mom stirring around in the room next to me. As I had figured she was up. Hobbling around and getting herself ready to head to church. She loves her church. She loves what it stands for , she loves the people that go there. She has known most of the people there for many years. They are like her family.
I got up and headed for the kitchen to get the coffee going, her coffee and breakfast are an important part of her day. Her life has been turned upside down the last couple of months due to the horrible pain she has been enduring. I believe she has what is called myofascial pain syndrome. Caused from nerves and overworked muscle.
Pain or not she really wants to go to church so that means I need to get ready and take her. I don't mind I like the people and this church and have known most of them my whole life also. Even though I was gone for many years , coming back and seeing all them again, it was just like I had never left. Yes a few new faces and and a few faces missing.
I spent most of the day thinking about my life and how I ended up where I am now. God works in mysterious ways. I think of all the places I could have ended up and yet I am here. Its not a bad thing. I love my mother and I am glad I am here to help care for her. The last couple of years have been a little rough learning to deal with each other and the difference in our beliefs and how we live. Her learning to live with out my dear papa that she spent most of her life with, and me learning to live with someone . Living a simple quiet life. . I sit and watch her at times and realize she isn't going to be here forever and that I need to make every minute of her time here the best I can for her. Question is , how do I do that? After a few weeks of being with her and not able to have much time for myself , my nerves start twitching , I get grouchy and start being bothered by everything. I get upset with little comments she makes about things I didn't do right or at the right time. It then slowly progresses down hill till we are both upset and its really my fault.
This is where it began today, small things , satan uses all these little things , they start building up . Sometimes just a little at time till he can make make it into a looming object that seems impossible to conquer.
Just a note here , I'm not sure where all this is going , I have had an intense struggle today over many things and I have to get it off my chest. So beware My day started with my questioning my salvation again. Why you ask , let me give you a bunch of the reasons that are swirling around in my head. Then feel free to judge me or pray for me or help me. Its all up to you. I have been studying love the last couple of weeks. True Godly love not this cheap imitation love of the worlds. I have basically none of these attributes. I tell myself I do but when the rubber meets the road I get 000 . Nothing. I have no ability to love in the Godly way at all. I'm sure some of you have heard of this deal with my car. Over a year of dealing with this guy. I would rather have my teeth pulled than having to be nice to him. He has involved the whole family in all his ridiculous stories and now they are fighting among themselves about who is treating him right or not . On and on it goes . What is right. What is wrong , what would Jesus do. Honestly I don't know. Do you let a person rip you off and and go to the next person to do the same. Should I be responsible to tell other, or is that me trying to manipulate.
Back to the love study for a bit. Without love for God and for others, our christian life means nothing. I can even be a martyr for the Lord but if I do that without love it mean absolutely nothing. Therefore if I can't have my heart right and love whether I was ripped off or not I am living in sin. Oh but you are secure for eternity. Right? So things like this don't matter. God's grace will cover it . Are you sure? If I made the choice not to love? Ooooooh but I do love ...I would give my life to save someone..sure but what if they took a couple hundred dollars from you. Then would you be giving or taking life. I can't love others correctly , what about my love for God? How well do I love him? Do I really love Him so much I would give my life for Him.? Will I crucify my old self and live in the new life God has given me. I think for sure I would but then I think of my life. God says if you love me you will keep my commandment. What are Gods commandments? Ask 1000 different people and get 10000 different answers. Almost everyone of those people will tell you that they are right and if you do it any differently it will lead you into heresy , and you will be misled and go to hell .Maybe not in those words but the actions speak different. End of story. So is everyone right and just at different stages of their christian lives? Have some had their consciences seared so to speak with a hot iron. I know many many people who have worn the veiling for years and now magically they have been enlightened and have no need of it anymore. I don't know if they are right or not. I'm just confused how you can read a scripture and if you work at it long enough you can make it say what you want. What about divorce and remarriage? I know a lot of people that are remarried, and living wonderful christian lives, at least what I in my human thinking would consider a good christian.
What about grace? Its seems that it is being used as a set of overalls, it doesn't matter what you get into or where you go because you are covered and it won't harm you. I do believe in Gods grace but the abuse of grace I find close to blasphemy . Probably to strong a statement, but I am sick of seeing people live whatever way they like and just cover the rest with grace.
Is it ok to drink ? Oh yes of course we should all have a glass of wine once in a while. Maybe next week we can have pizza and beer after the bible study. See what I mean. I just saw a deal the other day called pubagetics. Bible study at the pub. I think thats just great . Maybe we could throw in a special smoking room to for the smokers. Does anyone think about appearance to the people who are not saved. Just wondering where do you draw the line? How much time is spent trying to make rules that keep us safe from the influences of satan. Wouldn't it be better to learn to love God and follow His leading?
To tell you the truth either way you go with this thinking it doesn't seem right. How long can I make excuses over things I do and cover them with grace and call myself a christian. Or how many rules can I possibly make before I can finally please God. Then of course we could always say that God has chosen us and so it doesn't matter what happens because we were chosen and we can not fail.
I have to get into the word alone because all these teachings and ideas that I hear from everywhere are nothing until we know how to love. Period. If I truly love someone do I question everything they ask me to do? Do I only do the bear minimum of what they ask? Do I pick out only the things that I want to do? Jesus said seek ye first the kingdom of heaven. I can't say that anything I do in this life could be considered to be seeking first the kingdom of heaven. Do I have a strong desire everyday to spend hours in the Word of God and in prayer to Him and listening for His voice. My fallen nature would rather play words with friends. Or watch a movie or something like that. DO I know how to love God truly ? NO. Is that all covered in grace and I shouldn't worry about it. I don't know but it doesn't seem right to me.
These are some questions I have running around in my head . Every one has their own interpretation. Who is right ? I don't have an answer for that. Do I need to show love to absolutely everyone ? yes I do. What constitutes the church ? The body of Christ ? Is it the Mennonites, the Baptists, the Lutherans. Or are we all Gods children following Gods leading down different paths but all going to the same destination .
Maybe just a little frustrated today. God is very real and only He can teach me to love correctly. Lets all pray for each other that we can learn to love and stop all the accusations, I want to find peace. God gives me peace when I abide in His love . Acceptance , of differences of opinion, and a mutual understanding of Gods word and the path God has for each of us personally.
Finding God's will for me a step at a time. Lets grow together
Sunday, July 24, 2011
What Kind of Friend Am I ?
What is your life like.? Are you happy, are you sad? Do you have a lot of friends ,or only a few? Think about the friends you do have ,can you sit down with them and talk about God for hours or do you talk about other people and their faults, or about the weather, or personal things. True friends or not? Can you talk to them about personal things and never worry that they might divulge your personal life to all their friends. My guess is if you can sit and talk to them about other people and their problems , they will do the same about you with their friends and you will do the same also.
I was sitting here thinking about this whole friend thing. Am I a good friend? Not so sure about that. I hardly ever call my friends, and when I do it seems I talk about the weather or something uninteresting and definitely not personal. I seem to have built this wall up around myself to make sure no one really knows who I am or what I was thinking. I am truly trying to change that. Especially with my brothers and sisters in Christ. If I can't go to my spiritual family and talk candidly about the problem I have and ask for prayer , who am I supposed to go to? I am tired of being fake and acting if everything is ok and good and fine and all the other adjectives we use.
For example the other weekend at church camp we had a wonderful time studying the Word and chatting with friends about Christ. We divided up into groups of three or four and would spend several times a day in prayer and Bible study. One evening the speakers said tonight we are doing something different. He gave each of us a paper and told us to write on it our deepest and darkest struggles that we have in our spiritual life. Then he said when we get into our groups that we should each exchange the papers.
I was excited about it thinking it would be a way to expose some of my problems to my brothers in Christ and we could pray for them. BUT NO, at this point we were to just hold the paper in our hand and not look at it , and then say a pray for the person not knowing what the problem was. What was that????? Suppose in real life I have a problem I want you to help me with , say a leaking drain pipe. So I have you come to my house to help me, but when you get there with all your tools I just give you a note telling you the problem but of course you where not to look at the folded note but guess what the problem was and hopefully help get it fixed. . Seems really dumb when you put it like that.
I was struck with the thought then that we don't trust each other is it possible to really love some one and not trust them? Not for me really. If I can't trust some one how could I love them and expose my life struggles to them. Thats when I asked myself , what kind of friend am I ? Not a very good one. Am I always there ready to listen and never judge ? Am I willing to hear all of your problems and let you hear all of mine without ever doubting that you or I would never say anything to another person ?
Christ tells us that people of the world will know us by our love for each other, and I think we would all say we love each other, yet is anyone willing to stop and listen to the other person and never ever speak of what they have heard to anyone else. Or willing to tell their problems to a brother or sister and not worry about them repeating it to some one else in a negative way. Its easy to say we love but does anyone ever think of the consequences of gossip. What does the Bible say about gossip? It isn't gossip and ye shall inherit eternal life. NOPE Gossip is sin.
But how do I treat that bit of information? I tend to worry about the outward signs that are seen by men, I try to dress modestly, I live frugally, I go to church every Sunday, and possibly gossip a little here and there. But its nothing really bad , it just seemed funny that so and so drove that red car, dont they know that red is a bad color. Or so and so didn't look at me when they walked out of church today they must be feeling guilty or dislike me. On and on just little things , I can justify them as only joking whatever, but in truth its gossip and its sin and the consequences of sin are?
So I must learn all the lame jokes , the stories, its all going down as gossip and sin in the Lords eyes. I suppose if I can't say it to the person it shouldn't be said at all. Right?
My conclusion is this. I'm an old , grouchy, fat guy, that is negative, depressed, doesn't really understand love, that gets irritated at clicking noises like clocks and people eating loudly. I feel like I was cheated through life when reality is I caused my own problems. I am to analytical about everything,thinking I have to understand it all. I make fun of practically everything , including myself.
On the other hand I am usually kind and like to help people, I love the Lord more than anything else, I like animals as long as the don't crawl on their bellies. (snakes) I like to cook and enjoy music and chatting about God and His word.
No more fake anything for me I want to deal with the real part of life. Lets find God's will for our lives and be friends and brothers and sisters , love God and work together instead of tearing each other down. I am going to do it. No trying allowed. I must do it so when a person sees me they will say I want what that guy has, not that guy is a rude grumpy old man. : ) So if you want to be my friend thats great, you'll probably hear more than you want about my life and I hope to hear about yours so we can form a band of people praying for each other and grow in the Lord and conquer satan.
Your friend and brother in Christ Love to all
I was sitting here thinking about this whole friend thing. Am I a good friend? Not so sure about that. I hardly ever call my friends, and when I do it seems I talk about the weather or something uninteresting and definitely not personal. I seem to have built this wall up around myself to make sure no one really knows who I am or what I was thinking. I am truly trying to change that. Especially with my brothers and sisters in Christ. If I can't go to my spiritual family and talk candidly about the problem I have and ask for prayer , who am I supposed to go to? I am tired of being fake and acting if everything is ok and good and fine and all the other adjectives we use.
For example the other weekend at church camp we had a wonderful time studying the Word and chatting with friends about Christ. We divided up into groups of three or four and would spend several times a day in prayer and Bible study. One evening the speakers said tonight we are doing something different. He gave each of us a paper and told us to write on it our deepest and darkest struggles that we have in our spiritual life. Then he said when we get into our groups that we should each exchange the papers.
I was excited about it thinking it would be a way to expose some of my problems to my brothers in Christ and we could pray for them. BUT NO, at this point we were to just hold the paper in our hand and not look at it , and then say a pray for the person not knowing what the problem was. What was that????? Suppose in real life I have a problem I want you to help me with , say a leaking drain pipe. So I have you come to my house to help me, but when you get there with all your tools I just give you a note telling you the problem but of course you where not to look at the folded note but guess what the problem was and hopefully help get it fixed. . Seems really dumb when you put it like that.
I was struck with the thought then that we don't trust each other is it possible to really love some one and not trust them? Not for me really. If I can't trust some one how could I love them and expose my life struggles to them. Thats when I asked myself , what kind of friend am I ? Not a very good one. Am I always there ready to listen and never judge ? Am I willing to hear all of your problems and let you hear all of mine without ever doubting that you or I would never say anything to another person ?
Christ tells us that people of the world will know us by our love for each other, and I think we would all say we love each other, yet is anyone willing to stop and listen to the other person and never ever speak of what they have heard to anyone else. Or willing to tell their problems to a brother or sister and not worry about them repeating it to some one else in a negative way. Its easy to say we love but does anyone ever think of the consequences of gossip. What does the Bible say about gossip? It isn't gossip and ye shall inherit eternal life. NOPE Gossip is sin.
But how do I treat that bit of information? I tend to worry about the outward signs that are seen by men, I try to dress modestly, I live frugally, I go to church every Sunday, and possibly gossip a little here and there. But its nothing really bad , it just seemed funny that so and so drove that red car, dont they know that red is a bad color. Or so and so didn't look at me when they walked out of church today they must be feeling guilty or dislike me. On and on just little things , I can justify them as only joking whatever, but in truth its gossip and its sin and the consequences of sin are?
So I must learn all the lame jokes , the stories, its all going down as gossip and sin in the Lords eyes. I suppose if I can't say it to the person it shouldn't be said at all. Right?
My conclusion is this. I'm an old , grouchy, fat guy, that is negative, depressed, doesn't really understand love, that gets irritated at clicking noises like clocks and people eating loudly. I feel like I was cheated through life when reality is I caused my own problems. I am to analytical about everything,thinking I have to understand it all. I make fun of practically everything , including myself.
On the other hand I am usually kind and like to help people, I love the Lord more than anything else, I like animals as long as the don't crawl on their bellies. (snakes) I like to cook and enjoy music and chatting about God and His word.
No more fake anything for me I want to deal with the real part of life. Lets find God's will for our lives and be friends and brothers and sisters , love God and work together instead of tearing each other down. I am going to do it. No trying allowed. I must do it so when a person sees me they will say I want what that guy has, not that guy is a rude grumpy old man. : ) So if you want to be my friend thats great, you'll probably hear more than you want about my life and I hope to hear about yours so we can form a band of people praying for each other and grow in the Lord and conquer satan.
Your friend and brother in Christ Love to all
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Life at the Yoders
Hi to all my long lost friends. Ever have a month that seems every direction you turn is a dead end. Speaking mostly of my job of course. I say that and yet I have a bunch of really nice tools sitting in storage waiting for me to do something. I have a good friend who is helping me set them up in a nice shop. I'm thinking about building artistic furniture , kids stuff and other strange little things to sell. I know I won't make much but will have time to go where ever the Lord calls me. Which is the most important to me. If anyone has any great ideas of things that might sell good let me know. I'm making a list so ideas are welcome. I can't promise that you be paid royalties for the idea though.
The other job I was thinking about doing is on hold because the mans pancreas stopped working and he has been in the hospital for almost a month. And at this point I feel it isn't where God wants me , even though they keep calling. Not real sure why God made it so clear to me to let my car go other than saving me from a possible law suit, They say it has been traded for a Jeep Grand Cherokee but who knows I have never seen it or any money so I'm at a loss of what to do about that. Maybe when the guy gets out of the hospital something will happen.
So that is my life. I'm here at home with my mother , whom I love very much . I have a rather cushy life which I don't deserve but am glad for. I'm trying to raise all my own plants for the garden from seed and it seems that I not much of a green thumb. Why would plants grow up about an inch tall and then for no reason just fall over and die. Or other ones have got an inch or two high and it looks like someone to a pair of scissors and just snipped them off. Who would do that and why. I'm thinking its little gnomes or some little creature comes in at night and set their little ladders up and then the brave ones climb up with a pair of scissors and snip them off , then they run off laughing like they have one the battle. But don't worry I setting traps for them. I baked little tiny cookies to bait them with. Sadly I haven't caught any yet.
Sorry I haven't had enough coffee yet. Oh yes I have chickens now. I purchased six little bundles of fluff about a month and a half ago. They were to be six hens . So I named them all accordingly, Agnes who grew much faster than the rest and seemed extra bossy actually turned out to be Bob. He is a handsome little guy and has developed the large comb on his head. So he feels quite cocky we would say. Then there is Edna , she is slightly smaller than Bob and has a sweet personality . She has a ravenous appetite and is usually the first one to the food. Then Erma , is bossy,she pecks everyone and makes sure she is seen and heard. I'm just naming them in the order of their size. Then Gladys she is a little strange, very shy, and scared of everything, scared to eat worms or anything other than regular chicken food, and doesn't come when she is called. Thelma is next , she is very small and goes everywhere at a 100mph. She flies from high places and does a combination flutter and run that looks like a horse galloping on three legs. She loves worms and slugs and everytime I pick up a shovel she there looking for worms. For as much as she eats I would think she would be enormous. Last there is Louise, she was injured when she was small and took two weeks to heel. Therefore she feels she need extra care and help with everything. Wants to be carried often and hangs around my feet and often almost gets stepped on. They sleep in the garage at night and early morning they fly out of their cage and make messes all over the floor. So I'm desperately trying to finish the outdoor roost.
Well thats all the news from around here. Next time I'll tell you my spiritual experiences in the last month. Some pretty crazy things are happening and I have a lot of questions as to what people think about my experiences. Have a wonderful week in living in Gods love
The other job I was thinking about doing is on hold because the mans pancreas stopped working and he has been in the hospital for almost a month. And at this point I feel it isn't where God wants me , even though they keep calling. Not real sure why God made it so clear to me to let my car go other than saving me from a possible law suit, They say it has been traded for a Jeep Grand Cherokee but who knows I have never seen it or any money so I'm at a loss of what to do about that. Maybe when the guy gets out of the hospital something will happen.
So that is my life. I'm here at home with my mother , whom I love very much . I have a rather cushy life which I don't deserve but am glad for. I'm trying to raise all my own plants for the garden from seed and it seems that I not much of a green thumb. Why would plants grow up about an inch tall and then for no reason just fall over and die. Or other ones have got an inch or two high and it looks like someone to a pair of scissors and just snipped them off. Who would do that and why. I'm thinking its little gnomes or some little creature comes in at night and set their little ladders up and then the brave ones climb up with a pair of scissors and snip them off , then they run off laughing like they have one the battle. But don't worry I setting traps for them. I baked little tiny cookies to bait them with. Sadly I haven't caught any yet.
Sorry I haven't had enough coffee yet. Oh yes I have chickens now. I purchased six little bundles of fluff about a month and a half ago. They were to be six hens . So I named them all accordingly, Agnes who grew much faster than the rest and seemed extra bossy actually turned out to be Bob. He is a handsome little guy and has developed the large comb on his head. So he feels quite cocky we would say. Then there is Edna , she is slightly smaller than Bob and has a sweet personality . She has a ravenous appetite and is usually the first one to the food. Then Erma , is bossy,she pecks everyone and makes sure she is seen and heard. I'm just naming them in the order of their size. Then Gladys she is a little strange, very shy, and scared of everything, scared to eat worms or anything other than regular chicken food, and doesn't come when she is called. Thelma is next , she is very small and goes everywhere at a 100mph. She flies from high places and does a combination flutter and run that looks like a horse galloping on three legs. She loves worms and slugs and everytime I pick up a shovel she there looking for worms. For as much as she eats I would think she would be enormous. Last there is Louise, she was injured when she was small and took two weeks to heel. Therefore she feels she need extra care and help with everything. Wants to be carried often and hangs around my feet and often almost gets stepped on. They sleep in the garage at night and early morning they fly out of their cage and make messes all over the floor. So I'm desperately trying to finish the outdoor roost.
Well thats all the news from around here. Next time I'll tell you my spiritual experiences in the last month. Some pretty crazy things are happening and I have a lot of questions as to what people think about my experiences. Have a wonderful week in living in Gods love
Sunday, April 24, 2011
The Greatest Love
Happy Easter everyone. After eating turkey and ham and all the fixin's it kinda makes you loose track of what the holiday is commemorating .
Well the meal is over and everyone is gone home. I've slept off the DHT or whatever it is in turkey that makes you sleepy and now I'm thinking clearly. Well clearly for me that is.
I been sitting here imagining what it might have been like to be on earth when Jesus was here, Do you suppose he had lots of friends when he was growing up? I was thinking if I was a neighbor and grew up with him. What was he like? Do you think he was serious all the time or was he like a normal child ? I'm guessing he was an extremely intelligent child, in order for him to go into the temple and teach the teachers of the day. At an early age he knew he had to be doing his Fathers business . Do you suppose he understood that he would only live a short time and then be rejected and beaten and crucified? I'm guessing he knew and was constantly burdened about the people around him and how they needed salvation. A once and for all sacrifice that would completely satisfy God's requirements to atone for sin.
Until this time there where nothing more than rituals and commands to follow that did not rid us of sin completely. The sacrifices were made from animals and never fulfilled Gods requirements.
Can you imagine the weight that Jesus carried around on his shoulders. His love had to be the most intense love ever known . I think of my self today could I grow up thinking and /or knowing that some day in the near future I would need to die for some one to pay the sacrifice for all the terrible things they had ever done . Even though I had never done anything wrong. And then on top of that the person I had died for didn't want to accept my gift, of love and life.
I think about that and think about myself getting upset about someone not liking what I had done or laughing at a mistake I had made. yet Jesus grew up knowing that a lot of the people he was friends with would reject him and his gift of love. Did that stop him from loving ? Not a chance, he loved all the more. Its very difficult for me to think of him first of all lowering himself to become a human and then to suffer all the degradation, hate ,and abuse that he endured. Yet he never turned away from us.
I was reading somewhere a while back about Jesus in his prayer in the garden when he sweat drops of blood. There is actually a medical term for that when a person becomes so intense, from things like fear, sorrow, and other emotions that the capillaries in the skin can burst and cause them to bleed through their sweat. How many of us have been that burdened? How many of us have loved that strongly? None. Of course just because we don't sweat drops of blood doesn't mean we aren't burdened or loving.
I did a little test today just to see how people felt and what was the main thing on their minds. I sat and listened as much as possible , to see what would be said in thanks to Jesus and our Father for their gift of love and life that we were to remember on Easter. Well the answer was nothing. I don't know maybe 15 or 20 people and the mentions of Jesus' gift, " zero."
I'm just as bad as anyone else, I know , how can I learn to make this all more real in my life? Every thing is about the weather , about how work is going , and who did what and who said what. I know I sound like a goody two shoe but I don't care. Jesus is coming back and this time I'm going to be there to meet him also. So if I'm spending all my time thinking about things other than him can I expect him to be watching for me when he returns?
Today was a good day and I'm not complaining about it , I just wish we could spend more time with the most important person in our life. JESUS
Without him we have nothing and I feel we are losing sight of that in our to busy world.
Thank you Jesus for your gift of love to us. The pain you suffered the tears and the blood you shed for us. I give you my life in return, not just parts of it , but all of it. I thank you for the battles you have fought and the total victories you have won in our behalf. Thank you Father for your only Son and for allowing Him to save us eternally. Help me never to forget that or let it become taken for granted in my life and help me to show others your love through my life as a reflection of you. Eternally grateful
Well the meal is over and everyone is gone home. I've slept off the DHT or whatever it is in turkey that makes you sleepy and now I'm thinking clearly. Well clearly for me that is.
I been sitting here imagining what it might have been like to be on earth when Jesus was here, Do you suppose he had lots of friends when he was growing up? I was thinking if I was a neighbor and grew up with him. What was he like? Do you think he was serious all the time or was he like a normal child ? I'm guessing he was an extremely intelligent child, in order for him to go into the temple and teach the teachers of the day. At an early age he knew he had to be doing his Fathers business . Do you suppose he understood that he would only live a short time and then be rejected and beaten and crucified? I'm guessing he knew and was constantly burdened about the people around him and how they needed salvation. A once and for all sacrifice that would completely satisfy God's requirements to atone for sin.
Until this time there where nothing more than rituals and commands to follow that did not rid us of sin completely. The sacrifices were made from animals and never fulfilled Gods requirements.
Can you imagine the weight that Jesus carried around on his shoulders. His love had to be the most intense love ever known . I think of my self today could I grow up thinking and /or knowing that some day in the near future I would need to die for some one to pay the sacrifice for all the terrible things they had ever done . Even though I had never done anything wrong. And then on top of that the person I had died for didn't want to accept my gift, of love and life.
I think about that and think about myself getting upset about someone not liking what I had done or laughing at a mistake I had made. yet Jesus grew up knowing that a lot of the people he was friends with would reject him and his gift of love. Did that stop him from loving ? Not a chance, he loved all the more. Its very difficult for me to think of him first of all lowering himself to become a human and then to suffer all the degradation, hate ,and abuse that he endured. Yet he never turned away from us.
I was reading somewhere a while back about Jesus in his prayer in the garden when he sweat drops of blood. There is actually a medical term for that when a person becomes so intense, from things like fear, sorrow, and other emotions that the capillaries in the skin can burst and cause them to bleed through their sweat. How many of us have been that burdened? How many of us have loved that strongly? None. Of course just because we don't sweat drops of blood doesn't mean we aren't burdened or loving.
I did a little test today just to see how people felt and what was the main thing on their minds. I sat and listened as much as possible , to see what would be said in thanks to Jesus and our Father for their gift of love and life that we were to remember on Easter. Well the answer was nothing. I don't know maybe 15 or 20 people and the mentions of Jesus' gift, " zero."
I'm just as bad as anyone else, I know , how can I learn to make this all more real in my life? Every thing is about the weather , about how work is going , and who did what and who said what. I know I sound like a goody two shoe but I don't care. Jesus is coming back and this time I'm going to be there to meet him also. So if I'm spending all my time thinking about things other than him can I expect him to be watching for me when he returns?
Today was a good day and I'm not complaining about it , I just wish we could spend more time with the most important person in our life. JESUS
Without him we have nothing and I feel we are losing sight of that in our to busy world.
Thank you Jesus for your gift of love to us. The pain you suffered the tears and the blood you shed for us. I give you my life in return, not just parts of it , but all of it. I thank you for the battles you have fought and the total victories you have won in our behalf. Thank you Father for your only Son and for allowing Him to save us eternally. Help me never to forget that or let it become taken for granted in my life and help me to show others your love through my life as a reflection of you. Eternally grateful
Monday, April 11, 2011
Who's Will Is It ?
Ever thought about Gods leading in your life and how sometimes its a sure leading of the Lord. Then other times we might be sure at first and then later have doubts. Or maybe think you were led at the beginning and then backtrack and think that it wasn't God at all. I have experienced them all and would like to tell you about them and hear your thoughts about what I might have done right or wrong.
I'm going to back up a couple of years now. After my heart attack I came to OR for a couple months to recoup and then decided to go back to CA and to finish the job I had started. I was hoping the job would take maybe three or four months. As it turned out it went much longer. My sister had joined me when I returned from OR for which I was so thankful because my nerves were horrible and she was a great help in keeping me under control : ) Everything seemed to be working well , then in May she fell and broke her leg . Not just a small break, a compound fracture. , that would require a couple of surgeries to fix it. Up to that time we had thought that it was Gods will for her to be there with me,now we started to question our selves. Now I was taking care of her and running my job. But in the end by me taking care of her it helped my nerves to be more balanced. As she got better and wanted to go back to OR she thought I should just leave and let someone else finish the job. One day we are setting there trying to understand Gods will and what we were to do. I watched a balloon that my sis had gotten in the hospital float around and around the room. It had been doing it for at least two weeks. All the windows in my house were open and without screens . The thought about putting a so called fleece before the Lord crossed my mind and I half jokingly said to my sis that if God wanted my to stay He would have to pull the balloon down from the ceiling and let it fly out the window. Again it had been there for two weeks and never once had the wind blown it down or toward the window. My sister laughed because she had somewhat the same thoughts, we both sat with our jaws dropped open when we watched the balloon float over to the window then drop clear down to the floor and then out the window and out through the trees.
Both of these instances it seemed quite clear to me what God had wanted in my life . As it turned out I finished the job moved to OR in time to spend a couple of weeks with my dad before he became sick with pancreas cancer and it seemed Gods timing was perfect.
Now after getting back to OR I thought the Lord was definitely leading me to go to work for my nephew at the bakery . Which I did and throughly enjoyed it for a short time but as things worked out I really wasn't need there at all. Now my question here is , if I felt Gods leading to do that and followed it, but now have no idea what the reason for it was. Was I trying to learn Gods will but in essence maybe I was just telling God what I thought was His will should be. I'm thinking in this case that could be the problem. But not for sure.
Next over the time we started realizing that Dad was sick I made a run to the Willamette Valley to see a friend of mine. On my way home I was thinking about Dad and what was happening at the doc that day, and praying for him. The thought came to me as I was driving that Dad had pancreas cancer . I was still processing this thought when my sis called to tell me they had figured out what Dad's sickness was, and I replied pancreas cancer and she said Oh have you already talked to mom. No but God had already revealed it to me. As I drove along God laid on my heart that when I got to the hospital I was supposed to lay my hands on dad and pray for his physical healing. Hardly knowing anything about what I was to do and scared they wouldn't accept me trying to do something like that. I was really worried, but was still being pushed by the Lord to go through with the prayer. I did. I cried , I prayed, I did what I thought God asked. As we all know God didn't physically heal him. I kept asking why why God I did what you asked I tried to have faith , so why all the leading and no results.
From this point I have asked different people and received many different answers. One person said well he wasn't healed on earth but ultimately he was in heaven.( I suppose that could be true. ) But when I prayed I asked for physical healing here on earth. Another said I needed to have the elders lay their hands on him to have him to heal him. Another thought faith was lacking. Myself I don't know but after praying to the Lord for some sort of answer this is where I ended up.
First of all I really believe God led me to pray for dads healing. But several things have came to my mind since then. In searching my life I realized I had a lot of bitterness and anger that I had carried around for years. As I came to grips with the fact that I had all this sin in my life God also made me aware that I was trying to serve Him out of fear not love like He wanted. Add that to a serious dose of doubt and you end up with me, busy trying to tell God what to do and how to heal dad. I now think this was meant to be a learning experience for me. Do I believe God would have healed dad if my heart would have been ready? Absolutely !
Here I started out feeling that it was God's will for dad to be healed but do to my lack of understanding , lack of searching my life and lack of faith , He didn't answer my prayer. Making me doubt Him and His promises for a time and then later realize that God is always true and does what He says He will do.. I'm not sure if I'm making the point clear that I wanted to and that is ,when we read Gods word and he makes promises to us and time after time those promises aren't fulfilled it is not Gods fault. We want to know His will and He says he will show us his will. But then we spend maybe a few minutes a day in prayer and studying His will and think God is going to just show us His will? I really don't think so. I know I keep harping about this but it is really bothering me.
God is after me also. A couple of days ago I had been on the computer for a couple of hours reading facebook playing games and generally wasting time. The next morning I got up and tried to use it and it was literally froze up. I couldn't log in or out. I could do basically nothing. Since I do almost all of my Bible study on it I was feeling rather desperate to get it working. Nothing worked. My sis came over tried everything she new and found it basically dead. I have no money right now and getting it fixed was out of the question . So I prayed . I just said Lord you know I use this computer all the time for studying your Word and now its going to be much more difficult study. I had an immediate answer pop into my head and that was stop wasting so much time on it and study my Word and you may have it back. So I said alright Lord I'll do that and only allow myself a certain amount of time for things other than study. I'm sitting there feeling very reprimanded and then satan put in my head your so dumb you just made that up yourself. I grabbed the laptop handed it to my sister and said , see if it works now. She smiled at me turned it on and logged in with out one problem. We both sat dumbfounded, looking at the laptop. I said aloud thank you Lord I'm going to do much better from now on. I thought to myself how badly I hated it when satan gets me to thinking wrongly. I'm sure everyone has different experiences of how God leads them along and I would love to hear them. He is our Father He loves us so much. We can spend so much time trying to do everything just perfect when what He really wants is our love and trust and willingness to be obedient to Him.
Well thats enough for today. My job is still hanging somewhere out there. My tools from CA are supposed to be coming up possibly Friday and I at this point have no idea what I'm supposed to do. Lets all pray for each other that we can spend enough time with our Lord that He can show us what His plan for our life is. I can not keep going on and make excuses why I can not get thru to God. I know God answers in His own time and sometimes the answer is no . I understand that but I have a feeling His answer isn't no everytime. So pray for me that I can learn to discern His will for my life. Love in Christ
I'm going to back up a couple of years now. After my heart attack I came to OR for a couple months to recoup and then decided to go back to CA and to finish the job I had started. I was hoping the job would take maybe three or four months. As it turned out it went much longer. My sister had joined me when I returned from OR for which I was so thankful because my nerves were horrible and she was a great help in keeping me under control : ) Everything seemed to be working well , then in May she fell and broke her leg . Not just a small break, a compound fracture. , that would require a couple of surgeries to fix it. Up to that time we had thought that it was Gods will for her to be there with me,now we started to question our selves. Now I was taking care of her and running my job. But in the end by me taking care of her it helped my nerves to be more balanced. As she got better and wanted to go back to OR she thought I should just leave and let someone else finish the job. One day we are setting there trying to understand Gods will and what we were to do. I watched a balloon that my sis had gotten in the hospital float around and around the room. It had been doing it for at least two weeks. All the windows in my house were open and without screens . The thought about putting a so called fleece before the Lord crossed my mind and I half jokingly said to my sis that if God wanted my to stay He would have to pull the balloon down from the ceiling and let it fly out the window. Again it had been there for two weeks and never once had the wind blown it down or toward the window. My sister laughed because she had somewhat the same thoughts, we both sat with our jaws dropped open when we watched the balloon float over to the window then drop clear down to the floor and then out the window and out through the trees.
Both of these instances it seemed quite clear to me what God had wanted in my life . As it turned out I finished the job moved to OR in time to spend a couple of weeks with my dad before he became sick with pancreas cancer and it seemed Gods timing was perfect.
Now after getting back to OR I thought the Lord was definitely leading me to go to work for my nephew at the bakery . Which I did and throughly enjoyed it for a short time but as things worked out I really wasn't need there at all. Now my question here is , if I felt Gods leading to do that and followed it, but now have no idea what the reason for it was. Was I trying to learn Gods will but in essence maybe I was just telling God what I thought was His will should be. I'm thinking in this case that could be the problem. But not for sure.
Next over the time we started realizing that Dad was sick I made a run to the Willamette Valley to see a friend of mine. On my way home I was thinking about Dad and what was happening at the doc that day, and praying for him. The thought came to me as I was driving that Dad had pancreas cancer . I was still processing this thought when my sis called to tell me they had figured out what Dad's sickness was, and I replied pancreas cancer and she said Oh have you already talked to mom. No but God had already revealed it to me. As I drove along God laid on my heart that when I got to the hospital I was supposed to lay my hands on dad and pray for his physical healing. Hardly knowing anything about what I was to do and scared they wouldn't accept me trying to do something like that. I was really worried, but was still being pushed by the Lord to go through with the prayer. I did. I cried , I prayed, I did what I thought God asked. As we all know God didn't physically heal him. I kept asking why why God I did what you asked I tried to have faith , so why all the leading and no results.
From this point I have asked different people and received many different answers. One person said well he wasn't healed on earth but ultimately he was in heaven.( I suppose that could be true. ) But when I prayed I asked for physical healing here on earth. Another said I needed to have the elders lay their hands on him to have him to heal him. Another thought faith was lacking. Myself I don't know but after praying to the Lord for some sort of answer this is where I ended up.
First of all I really believe God led me to pray for dads healing. But several things have came to my mind since then. In searching my life I realized I had a lot of bitterness and anger that I had carried around for years. As I came to grips with the fact that I had all this sin in my life God also made me aware that I was trying to serve Him out of fear not love like He wanted. Add that to a serious dose of doubt and you end up with me, busy trying to tell God what to do and how to heal dad. I now think this was meant to be a learning experience for me. Do I believe God would have healed dad if my heart would have been ready? Absolutely !
Here I started out feeling that it was God's will for dad to be healed but do to my lack of understanding , lack of searching my life and lack of faith , He didn't answer my prayer. Making me doubt Him and His promises for a time and then later realize that God is always true and does what He says He will do.. I'm not sure if I'm making the point clear that I wanted to and that is ,when we read Gods word and he makes promises to us and time after time those promises aren't fulfilled it is not Gods fault. We want to know His will and He says he will show us his will. But then we spend maybe a few minutes a day in prayer and studying His will and think God is going to just show us His will? I really don't think so. I know I keep harping about this but it is really bothering me.
God is after me also. A couple of days ago I had been on the computer for a couple of hours reading facebook playing games and generally wasting time. The next morning I got up and tried to use it and it was literally froze up. I couldn't log in or out. I could do basically nothing. Since I do almost all of my Bible study on it I was feeling rather desperate to get it working. Nothing worked. My sis came over tried everything she new and found it basically dead. I have no money right now and getting it fixed was out of the question . So I prayed . I just said Lord you know I use this computer all the time for studying your Word and now its going to be much more difficult study. I had an immediate answer pop into my head and that was stop wasting so much time on it and study my Word and you may have it back. So I said alright Lord I'll do that and only allow myself a certain amount of time for things other than study. I'm sitting there feeling very reprimanded and then satan put in my head your so dumb you just made that up yourself. I grabbed the laptop handed it to my sister and said , see if it works now. She smiled at me turned it on and logged in with out one problem. We both sat dumbfounded, looking at the laptop. I said aloud thank you Lord I'm going to do much better from now on. I thought to myself how badly I hated it when satan gets me to thinking wrongly. I'm sure everyone has different experiences of how God leads them along and I would love to hear them. He is our Father He loves us so much. We can spend so much time trying to do everything just perfect when what He really wants is our love and trust and willingness to be obedient to Him.
Well thats enough for today. My job is still hanging somewhere out there. My tools from CA are supposed to be coming up possibly Friday and I at this point have no idea what I'm supposed to do. Lets all pray for each other that we can spend enough time with our Lord that He can show us what His plan for our life is. I can not keep going on and make excuses why I can not get thru to God. I know God answers in His own time and sometimes the answer is no . I understand that but I have a feeling His answer isn't no everytime. So pray for me that I can learn to discern His will for my life. Love in Christ
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Lack Of Faith ?
Hello to all my fine friends, I have set around here for the last two weeks and gone ,well ,crazy. My mom and sister think I might of slipped off the edge of sanity. I'm still here not sure if its sanity or insanity but I'm here. I have heard more excuses why I haven't started my job ,than a tax auditor on audit day . Oh well patience is a virtue and I don't have it. So I sit and think about things way to much probably, and end up with a lot of questions. I've been chatting with a friend about sickness and healing and what is God's will. In the process of studying I think I may have made more questions than answers.
I think I'll give different ways that healing could happen and go from there. Number 1. say a good christian person a little older in life gets very sick with some sort of disease. The elders of the church come and anoint him with oil and pray for him along with many other people. He is not healed physically and dies. Different ways to look at it. 1 God heard the prayers and chose to answer no. 2. The man had undisclosed sin in his life and God chose not to heal him. 3 . The people praying for him had sin in their lives therefore God didn't hear their prayers. 4. Or maybe all had a lack of faith and God didn't answer.
I agree sometimes God does chose to say no and when that happens we need to except it and go on. Now what if the man had sin in his life say some very deep rooted bitterness that he wouldn't really think about without some real soul searching to uncover it. Job talked about it Job 31:33 'If I covered my transgressions as Adam, by hiding mine iniquity in my bosom." He searched his heart to see if he had hidden something or forgotten to make something right with the Lord. David knew he needed to search his heart. Psalms 139: 23-24 23"Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts . 24 And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." If we don't dig deep into our hearts we can keep things buried there in our emotions that satan can use against us . It is a proven fact by medical doctors that stressors in a persons life such as anger, bitterness, hatred, unforgiveness can over time cause many kinds of diseases. I think we need to be very careful here about judging someone and saying they weren't healed because of sin in their life. That is judging , and we all know what happens to the people that judge others. But still there is the possibility. God and that person are the only ones that can truly know that answer.
Now point number 3 . Is it possible for God to answer prayers from people that have some sort of sin in their lives? If that is the case why do we need to worry about sin in our live if God still hears us. If He doesn't answer those prayers how many of us are truly getting thru to God. And that could also answer a lot of questions as to why more people aren't being healed today.
James 5:13-16 Is any among you afflicted? let him pray. Is any merry? let him sing psalms.14 Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord:15 And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him.16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. I read this verse a bunch of times and it says the prayer of faith heals the sick not the anointing. What is the prayer of faith? How can you pray in faith if your not sure it is God's will? Now number 4 , is it possible to have a lack of faith and not have prayer answered? I think so.
Christ could do few mighty works in Nazareth due to the people's lack of faith (Matthew 13:57-58) Talking about Jesus in Mat. 9:29 Then He touched their eyes, saying, "According to your faith let it be to you."
Matthew 18:19 "Again I say to you that if two of you agree on Earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven." What does this verse mean? If you have a bunch of people praying for the same thing Mat. says it will be done for them. Does that mean we have such a lack of faith that even with a lot of people praying God won't answer or is there some way to explain this verse away to make it fit how we work today. I know go ahead start shooting at me. I'm a pretty literal guy . I try to take things at face value and if I do that with some of the verses I end up asking why. If God says he will do that and he doesn't there must be a reason. Or does a person have to go through many hours of explaining it away because we are not having it work for us anymore due to unbelief or other reasons.
Mark 16:17-18 "And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name . . . they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover I shortened it up but you get the jest of it. Again the same thing here. How can we explain this away. I truly don't know and thats why I'm asking. My understanding is God will always do what He says . I'm sure that is the case so that means I have a lot of things to learn about healing and God's will and prayer. I'm going to stop here for now cause I have a long ways to go . A little help would be very nice. Until next time
I think I'll give different ways that healing could happen and go from there. Number 1. say a good christian person a little older in life gets very sick with some sort of disease. The elders of the church come and anoint him with oil and pray for him along with many other people. He is not healed physically and dies. Different ways to look at it. 1 God heard the prayers and chose to answer no. 2. The man had undisclosed sin in his life and God chose not to heal him. 3 . The people praying for him had sin in their lives therefore God didn't hear their prayers. 4. Or maybe all had a lack of faith and God didn't answer.
I agree sometimes God does chose to say no and when that happens we need to except it and go on. Now what if the man had sin in his life say some very deep rooted bitterness that he wouldn't really think about without some real soul searching to uncover it. Job talked about it Job 31:33 'If I covered my transgressions as Adam, by hiding mine iniquity in my bosom." He searched his heart to see if he had hidden something or forgotten to make something right with the Lord. David knew he needed to search his heart. Psalms 139: 23-24 23"Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts . 24 And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." If we don't dig deep into our hearts we can keep things buried there in our emotions that satan can use against us . It is a proven fact by medical doctors that stressors in a persons life such as anger, bitterness, hatred, unforgiveness can over time cause many kinds of diseases. I think we need to be very careful here about judging someone and saying they weren't healed because of sin in their life. That is judging , and we all know what happens to the people that judge others. But still there is the possibility. God and that person are the only ones that can truly know that answer.
Now point number 3 . Is it possible for God to answer prayers from people that have some sort of sin in their lives? If that is the case why do we need to worry about sin in our live if God still hears us. If He doesn't answer those prayers how many of us are truly getting thru to God. And that could also answer a lot of questions as to why more people aren't being healed today.
James 5:13-16 Is any among you afflicted? let him pray. Is any merry? let him sing psalms.14 Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord:15 And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him.16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. I read this verse a bunch of times and it says the prayer of faith heals the sick not the anointing. What is the prayer of faith? How can you pray in faith if your not sure it is God's will? Now number 4 , is it possible to have a lack of faith and not have prayer answered? I think so.
Christ could do few mighty works in Nazareth due to the people's lack of faith (Matthew 13:57-58) Talking about Jesus in Mat. 9:29 Then He touched their eyes, saying, "According to your faith let it be to you."
Matthew 18:19 "Again I say to you that if two of you agree on Earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven." What does this verse mean? If you have a bunch of people praying for the same thing Mat. says it will be done for them. Does that mean we have such a lack of faith that even with a lot of people praying God won't answer or is there some way to explain this verse away to make it fit how we work today. I know go ahead start shooting at me. I'm a pretty literal guy . I try to take things at face value and if I do that with some of the verses I end up asking why. If God says he will do that and he doesn't there must be a reason. Or does a person have to go through many hours of explaining it away because we are not having it work for us anymore due to unbelief or other reasons.
Mark 16:17-18 "And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name . . . they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover I shortened it up but you get the jest of it. Again the same thing here. How can we explain this away. I truly don't know and thats why I'm asking. My understanding is God will always do what He says . I'm sure that is the case so that means I have a lot of things to learn about healing and God's will and prayer. I'm going to stop here for now cause I have a long ways to go . A little help would be very nice. Until next time
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Healed
This is a blog I got from my cousin Rhonda Schrock about an experience her dear dad had just not so long ago. He had called and told me about it . It was such and encouragement to me. This happened to him about the same time I had experienced healing in my legs. It helped me to understand more clearly that if we ask God for something and we have completely aligned ourselves with His will He will answer our prayer. We must have faith, then we must be totally submissive to Him, and thank Him always. I believe the church at the beginning witnessed many miracles in healing and many other areas of life , and that we can still have that today. I must have faith because without it my beliefs are useless. I want everyone to start praying for a revival to start across our christian communities. One where people will drop everything and ask God where He wants them and what His will is. Not like I have done, making up my mind and then trying to fit Gods will into it. I honestly believe if we don't all rethink our lives and learn to be truly crucified to Christ we will be like the lukewarm church in Revelations that God said he will spit them out. Is our short time here on earth worth more than eternity? Just because we don't stop and a seek God's will and live a crucified life for Him? Eternity is a long time to think about how you might have done things differently, instead of enjoying the full rewards that come from God. Sorry I got up on my little soap box again. This is the blog from Rhonda. Thanks for sharing it with us.
Faith and prayer lead to healing and Haiti
Note: This column was published in the 03/28/11 edition of The Goshen News. This writer is happy to share with you a glimpse of her parents - her father's adventurous spirit and her mother's behind-the-scenes supportive work. Enjoy!
If my father would just settle down and give us all a boring, uneventful year, we’d appreciate it. I’m serious.
If Action Jackson isn’t traipsing through the woods shooting bucks or hunting bears in Minnesota with his bow, he’s plotting a practical joke that will scare the bejeebers out of his victim. That, or he’s having a heart attack or a five-vessel bypass or a train wreck (from which, thank God, he walked away) or kidney stones or prostate cancer. Or diverticulitis.
It was back in February that he was hospitalized yet again with severe pain, nausea, vomiting, and fever. For months, he’d been making plans to go to Haiti with their church group. They’d gone down only last year, and Dad had left a piece of his heart with the Haitian people. Now, a mere two weeks before they were to leave, a grim-faced doctor was delivering news that sent his spirits plummeting.
It was diverticulitis, he said, and some diverticula had ruptured. They were looking at major surgery with the possibility of a colostomy.
“When the doctor was telling me what it was and how bad it was,” Dad said, “I asked him if he can fix it. He shook his head and said, ‘I hope.’”
“’I hope!’” he told us later. “Now if that don’t scare you back into last week. I thought church was out.”
Lying there in the hospital bed, hooked up to IVs, the realization began to set in. He would not be going to Haiti .
It was no surprise to us who know him that it was the Haitian children who stole Dad’s heart. In his pictures from last year’s trip, their chocolate brown eyes shine in coffee-colored faces. They’d loved the pale white foreigners who’d come bearing gifts, and they’d sprung from the woodwork at the slightest hint of activity in the compound.
In preparation for the team’s return, Dad had gotten copies of the Jesus movie in Haitian Creole in both the adults’ and children’s versions. “I felt real good about the Jesus films,” he said. “Ernest cannot change anyone’s life, but I felt the Jesus film would touch a lot of lives, and I wanted to be there.”
He continued. “It’s not that the others couldn’t have done very well without me.” But, he said, “It was real disappointing. I felt like the disciples on the way to Emmaus – where is Jesus? Where is He when things don’t make sense?” However, he added, “I did not want to go if the Lord did not want me to go or if I would have been a hindrance to God’s work.”
In the following days, he had plenty of time to think. Even in the struggle to accept the unwelcome truth, he began to sense the Lord speaking to him. “Finally,” he said, “I got the urge to tell Jesus, ‘Thank You for letting this happen. I know it was for a reason.’” And so he obeyed.
“I kept thinking in the back of my mind that the only way I could go is if the doc told me I was completely healed.”
To his great surprise, the doctor returned on Wednesday, a mere two days before the team was to leave, with astonishing news. The infection was gone, the pockets had healed, and while he would still require surgery down the road, he was cleared to go to Haiti .
“When he told me I was healed and that I could go,” Dad said, “It took awhile to sink in. And then it got scary. As sick as I was, what if it had happened there?
“The Lord kept asking me, ‘Would it not be a lack of faith if you don’t go since I healed you?’ It took a lot of faith.” Then he added dryly, “I’ve got a Ph.D. in faith.”
So it was that in spite of all the odds, my father went to Haiti where they built a house, put a roof on a porch, and introduced 70 to 80 Haitian children to the delights of roasted hot dogs (150) and toasted marshmallows (5 lbs.), courtesy of Dad.
He did get to be there when they showed the Jesus film to both children and adults, and he did get to see souls come to Christ. Worst never came to worst as he’d speculated, and the team didn’t have to throw him in the Côtes de Fer river after all.
Afterwards, he had this to say. “I still don’t think I would’ve been healed if I had not told Him thank you, though I may be wrong.
“I don’t care what happens. God is in control. God is great! It was a great lesson for me.”
Rhonda Schrock gives her mother, who stayed behind, a heartfelt shout out. She thinks that soldiering through an ice storm and a power outage all alone in Dad’s absence also required a certain amount of faith. To quote a grandson, “Joo job, Mama!” Good job.
Faith and prayer lead to healing and Haiti
Note: This column was published in the 03/28/11 edition of The Goshen News. This writer is happy to share with you a glimpse of her parents - her father's adventurous spirit and her mother's behind-the-scenes supportive work. Enjoy!
If my father would just settle down and give us all a boring, uneventful year, we’d appreciate it. I’m serious.
If Action Jackson isn’t traipsing through the woods shooting bucks or hunting bears in Minnesota with his bow, he’s plotting a practical joke that will scare the bejeebers out of his victim. That, or he’s having a heart attack or a five-vessel bypass or a train wreck (from which, thank God, he walked away) or kidney stones or prostate cancer. Or diverticulitis.
It was back in February that he was hospitalized yet again with severe pain, nausea, vomiting, and fever. For months, he’d been making plans to go to Haiti with their church group. They’d gone down only last year, and Dad had left a piece of his heart with the Haitian people. Now, a mere two weeks before they were to leave, a grim-faced doctor was delivering news that sent his spirits plummeting.
It was diverticulitis, he said, and some diverticula had ruptured. They were looking at major surgery with the possibility of a colostomy.
“When the doctor was telling me what it was and how bad it was,” Dad said, “I asked him if he can fix it. He shook his head and said, ‘I hope.’”
“’I hope!’” he told us later. “Now if that don’t scare you back into last week. I thought church was out.”
Lying there in the hospital bed, hooked up to IVs, the realization began to set in. He would not be going to Haiti .
It was no surprise to us who know him that it was the Haitian children who stole Dad’s heart. In his pictures from last year’s trip, their chocolate brown eyes shine in coffee-colored faces. They’d loved the pale white foreigners who’d come bearing gifts, and they’d sprung from the woodwork at the slightest hint of activity in the compound.
In preparation for the team’s return, Dad had gotten copies of the Jesus movie in Haitian Creole in both the adults’ and children’s versions. “I felt real good about the Jesus films,” he said. “Ernest cannot change anyone’s life, but I felt the Jesus film would touch a lot of lives, and I wanted to be there.”
He continued. “It’s not that the others couldn’t have done very well without me.” But, he said, “It was real disappointing. I felt like the disciples on the way to Emmaus – where is Jesus? Where is He when things don’t make sense?” However, he added, “I did not want to go if the Lord did not want me to go or if I would have been a hindrance to God’s work.”
In the following days, he had plenty of time to think. Even in the struggle to accept the unwelcome truth, he began to sense the Lord speaking to him. “Finally,” he said, “I got the urge to tell Jesus, ‘Thank You for letting this happen. I know it was for a reason.’” And so he obeyed.
“I kept thinking in the back of my mind that the only way I could go is if the doc told me I was completely healed.”
To his great surprise, the doctor returned on Wednesday, a mere two days before the team was to leave, with astonishing news. The infection was gone, the pockets had healed, and while he would still require surgery down the road, he was cleared to go to Haiti .
“When he told me I was healed and that I could go,” Dad said, “It took awhile to sink in. And then it got scary. As sick as I was, what if it had happened there?
“The Lord kept asking me, ‘Would it not be a lack of faith if you don’t go since I healed you?’ It took a lot of faith.” Then he added dryly, “I’ve got a Ph.D. in faith.”
So it was that in spite of all the odds, my father went to Haiti where they built a house, put a roof on a porch, and introduced 70 to 80 Haitian children to the delights of roasted hot dogs (150) and toasted marshmallows (5 lbs.), courtesy of Dad.
He did get to be there when they showed the Jesus film to both children and adults, and he did get to see souls come to Christ. Worst never came to worst as he’d speculated, and the team didn’t have to throw him in the Côtes de Fer river after all.
Afterwards, he had this to say. “I still don’t think I would’ve been healed if I had not told Him thank you, though I may be wrong.
“I don’t care what happens. God is in control. God is great! It was a great lesson for me.”
Rhonda Schrock gives her mother, who stayed behind, a heartfelt shout out. She thinks that soldiering through an ice storm and a power outage all alone in Dad’s absence also required a certain amount of faith. To quote a grandson, “Joo job, Mama!” Good job.
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